1. "No" - It is a complete sentence and it does not require explanation.
   
   
2. Be a "broken record" - If you are not heard and/or receive an attacking or defensive response, continue to repeat yourself.
   
   
3. Use "I statements" - This diminishes the chance of your becoming aggressive and the other person becoming defensive.
   
   
4. You have the right to not make any decision and to take time and process your thoughts and feelings. Being "quick to listen and slow to speak" is a healthy personal policy.
   
   
5. Take a "time-out" - If things become too heated, sometimes a time-out can be a constructive tool to avoid unnecessary aggression.
   
   
6. "Anger Starvation" - Telling a person you will only talk to them when they are more calm (connected to time-out).
   
   
7. Double Messages - It is important to check out (not accuse) double messages, such as when a person says one thing but acts in an opposite behavior, as well as sarcastic messages which often mix humor with anger (or other emotions) and are hard to decipher.
   
   
8. K.I.S.S. - Keep it Short and Simple.
   
   
9. Anticipate "counter-moves" - If people are used to your behaving in one way and suddenly you begin to change, they are likely to have a strong reaction and/or may test your consistency. Therefore, be aware of your own expectations of others changing because you've made positive change. Unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment and the regression back to ole behavior.
   
   
10. Allow "uncomfortableness" - New behavior, even if healthy and positive, is usually uncomfortable. Give yourself permission to feel uncomfortable.
    
    
11. Congruency - Be consistent in all parts of your life, as often as possible, thereby giving yourself as much opportunity as possible to enhance your skills.

Only you can define your boundaries. If you leave it to others, you've already given them up.

The goal: Being flexible and balanced with boundaries; not allowing others to "step on your toes" while not stepping on other's toes.

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